4.04.2012

Dealing With Difficult People

Lessons from 2 Timothy 2:14-26
A Lesson for Pastors and others in Authority.

Complainers, know-it-alls, debaters, manipulators, slanderers, gossipers, and controllers. We all know them, and some of us (most likely we would deny it) ARE THEM. We've all had to deal with them before whether at work, in our family, or at the Church. If you have ever been in a position of authority then chances are you definitely have had to deal with difficult people. 

Many pastors have had to face difficult people too, and Timothy certainly was no exception to this. More and more pastors are finding they have to study psychology as well as theology just to cope with so many personalities. While counseling and being a pastor go hand in hand, there should be a limit to just how much focus pastors have to place on behavior management.

Today's pastor has to wear many hats, but with each hat they wear how much focus is being taken off what matters most?  - that is sharing the truth of God's word in the lives of the believers and reaching the lost with the Gospel. 

While pastors can sometimes fall into the trap of catering to the difficult people, we see others being neglected. Sometimes even preferential treatment is given to the difficult person instead of dealing with the situation honestly. We've all heard the saying, "the squeaky wheel gets the grease".


As a former pastor I too had to deal with the various people types listed above. As a person of authority in a secular job, I've often ran into these people too. Sometimes I've handled their opposition in the rightway, and sometimes I've handled it wrong. 

The apostolic letters written to the Churches that make up our New Testament are full of instructions about dealing with difficult people. You will find also that Paul didn't mess around too long with them, but gives instruction to rid the Church of the trouble making person for the better. Let's look at Paul's instructions to Timothy.

2 Timothy 2:14-18 says,

14 Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers. 15 Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. 16 But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness. 17 And their message will spread like cancer. Hymenaeus and Philetus are of this sort,18 who have strayed concerning the truth, saying that the resurrection is already past; and they overthrow the faith of some.


We see Paul didn't care one bit to call them out. Timothy was dealing  with difficult people named Hymenaeus and Philetus. These men were creating confusion within the Church for they were teaching that the resurrection had already taken place. No doubt Timothy refuted this teaching, but they continued on teaching it with no regard for Timothy's authority. 

2 Timothy 2:19-21 says, 

19 Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity.” 20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. 21 Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.

So what was Paul's instruction to Timothy when it came to dealing with these difficult people? He said to cleanse yourself from them! These people who long to debate about doctrines and are constantly creating drama are to be regarded as those spreading a message comparable to cancer. When a limb is infected and threatens to spread to the whole body it has to be cut off! Just looking at what we've read so far it may seem like Paul is addressing the false message that Hymenaeus and Philetus are spreading and not the people themselves, but let's read on...

2 Timothy 2:22-26 says, 

22 Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. 24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.

Verses 24 - 26 let us know that Paul isn't only regarding the message itself as something to rid the church of, but the men who are spreading it are to be removed.  Also, in verse 20 Paul makes this comparison, "But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor." So this is a directed too at the people themselves. In verse 21 Paul then concludes with this instruction, "Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work." 


A word to the Pastors:
There is nothing wrong with good bible discussion, and even with people disagreeing on some doctrines. If the person disputes a fundamental doctrine however and then teaches their false doctrine within the Church, then you cannot mess around. You need to give them the opportunity to repent and make it right, but if this only create further debate - you got to put them out from the rest of the body... aka remove them. 
Likewise, those who like to argue and debate all of the time need to be given the opportunity for repentance, but if they only continue to create drama and it cause problems with the rest of the Church, then they got to go.


(Fictitious names) If Bob and Sue have a problem with Jeff, then Bob and Ralph have a problem with Sarah, then Bob and Joe have a problem with Sam.... Could the problem be Bob? 


If Bob likes to debate and raise disputes, doesn't receive instruction, and rejects correction, then how can you pastor him?


Again, if Bob is spreading gossip or false doctrine around, and you are receiving complaint after complaint, then what are you to do? I'd seriously take the word of God to heart and do the following: Give Bob a chance for repentance, but if he does not - release him with a covering of prayer, and then tend to the rest of your congregation.