Yes, you can Forgive.
Often when someone says this they are just hurt so badly they want to express it in some way to you, and sometimes too this phrase is used as an excuse for not coming to Christ. If this is the case then chances are that they realize that they must forgive others to be forgiven by God.
Perhaps this person is you. Maybe somebody has hurt to so badly that you feel like forgiving that person is impossible for you to do, and truthfully you may not even want to forgive them.
Forgiving someone who has wronged you is possible. Not only is it possible - it is REQUIRED!
Philippians 4:13 says,
This means through Christ you can do all things, which includes forgiving anyone who has wronged you. Reconciliation and forgiveness are two different things however. Maybe the person you have not forgiven is no longer living. In this case there is no place for reconciliation with the person, but in your heart you have to let the offence go and forgive that person.
It could be too that reconciliation would cause harm to a person, such as a physically abusive spouse you have left. You can forgive that person without attempting to reconcile and place yourself back into the danger. If possible though I think it is best that the person knows they are forgiven even if reconciliation wouldn't be a good decision.
Consider this illustration:
Now let's step it up a notch...
I can honestly say I don't think I can fathom this kind of forgiveness, and I don't think anyone else can. Yet this is exactly what God has done for us!
It was our sin that murdered His Son Jesus. Yet He invites us to spend eternity with Him in HIS OWN HOUSE! (John 14:2) Also, we get to wear His robe of Righteousness and not our own clothes. (Isaiah 61:10)
Now if we were forgiven so greatly, how can we not pass it on to others? We are undeserving of this forgiveness from God, and so is the person who wronged you. It is not about this person deserving your forgiveness. It is about showing grace to the undeserving just as God has shown grace to us! In this way God is glorified for when we forgive others, we illustrate the character of God to others.
I Can Forgive, but I'll never Forget!
Now does this this attitude reflect God's forgiveness to us? Does God forget OUR sins against Him? Yes He does!
In fact, He tosses our sins into the sea never to be seen or heard from again. (Micah 7:19)
I've heard some preachers say He also puts up a "No Fishing" sign, which isn't in the Bible, but I've always liked it, and I get what they mean by it. It means not to go digging up our own sins, or a sin belonging to anyone else.
If you forgive someone, then you need to put the offense behind you. To hold it over their head is not forgiving that person, and you keep them in bondage as long as you do so.
Ephesians 4:32 says,
Consider the following verses:
Matthew 6:15 says,
Mark 11:25-26 says,
1 John 4:20 says,
God takes it serious when you don't forgive, so it is really for our own benefit that we do. The person that you forgive may not even care whether you forgive them or not, but God knows you've been wronged and your response to it is critical! With your response to being offended you can either use it to glorify God by illustrating forgiveness, or you can do as the world would do and get even with that person. The choice, as always, is up to you!
Often when someone says this they are just hurt so badly they want to express it in some way to you, and sometimes too this phrase is used as an excuse for not coming to Christ. If this is the case then chances are that they realize that they must forgive others to be forgiven by God.
Perhaps this person is you. Maybe somebody has hurt to so badly that you feel like forgiving that person is impossible for you to do, and truthfully you may not even want to forgive them.
Forgiving someone who has wronged you is possible. Not only is it possible - it is REQUIRED!
Philippians 4:13 says,
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
This means through Christ you can do all things, which includes forgiving anyone who has wronged you. Reconciliation and forgiveness are two different things however. Maybe the person you have not forgiven is no longer living. In this case there is no place for reconciliation with the person, but in your heart you have to let the offence go and forgive that person.
It could be too that reconciliation would cause harm to a person, such as a physically abusive spouse you have left. You can forgive that person without attempting to reconcile and place yourself back into the danger. If possible though I think it is best that the person knows they are forgiven even if reconciliation wouldn't be a good decision.
Consider this illustration:
There was once a father who had a son whom he loved and raised into a fine young man. One day a man murdered this young man right before his father's eyes. The murderer was later caught and brought to trial. During the court proceedings the young man's father was there. Consider these 3 choices this father faced:
1. Revenge - This mourning father could have smuggled a handgun into the courtroom and shot his son's murderer to death himself.
2. Justice - This mourning father could have sat back patiently and let the court decide this man's fate.
Now, for an unthinkable option...
3. Pardon - This mourning father could have came to this man's defense and sought the court to find him innocent of the charges against him even though he knew himself that the man was guilty.Let's say the man chose option #3 and was successful in persuading the court of this man's innocence (even though the father knows the man committed the crime).
Now let's step it up a notch...
This mourning father invites this guilty (but pardoned) man into his home, allows him to live there, eat at the same table his son used to eat at, wear his son's clothing, and accepts him as his own child. He never ever mentions to this man what he had done to his son, or how much he had hurt him by doing it. He actually loves this man who murdered his son, and treats him as if he was his son.
I can honestly say I don't think I can fathom this kind of forgiveness, and I don't think anyone else can. Yet this is exactly what God has done for us!
It was our sin that murdered His Son Jesus. Yet He invites us to spend eternity with Him in HIS OWN HOUSE! (John 14:2) Also, we get to wear His robe of Righteousness and not our own clothes. (Isaiah 61:10)
Now if we were forgiven so greatly, how can we not pass it on to others? We are undeserving of this forgiveness from God, and so is the person who wronged you. It is not about this person deserving your forgiveness. It is about showing grace to the undeserving just as God has shown grace to us! In this way God is glorified for when we forgive others, we illustrate the character of God to others.
I Can Forgive, but I'll never Forget!
Now does this this attitude reflect God's forgiveness to us? Does God forget OUR sins against Him? Yes He does!
In fact, He tosses our sins into the sea never to be seen or heard from again. (Micah 7:19)
I've heard some preachers say He also puts up a "No Fishing" sign, which isn't in the Bible, but I've always liked it, and I get what they mean by it. It means not to go digging up our own sins, or a sin belonging to anyone else.
If you forgive someone, then you need to put the offense behind you. To hold it over their head is not forgiving that person, and you keep them in bondage as long as you do so.
Ephesians 4:32 says,
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Consider the following verses:
Matthew 6:15 says,
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Mark 11:25-26 says,
25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."
1 John 4:20 says,
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?
God takes it serious when you don't forgive, so it is really for our own benefit that we do. The person that you forgive may not even care whether you forgive them or not, but God knows you've been wronged and your response to it is critical! With your response to being offended you can either use it to glorify God by illustrating forgiveness, or you can do as the world would do and get even with that person. The choice, as always, is up to you!
