4 Hard Hitting Questions:
Do you love the person you are with more than you love yourself?
Have you sacrificed anything for the sake of having the relationship with that person?
Does this person love you, or do they love their self more?
Has this person sacrificed anything for the sake of having a relationship with you?
These are very hard questions to ask and there is no one perfect answer that fits all people. I know a couple who met online and the man was an extreme sports fanatic. The woman was not into sports at all. The couple married and the man cut way back on the sports for her. This is an example of someone making a sacrifice to benefit the relationship. He still watches and enjoys sports, but he has scaled it back for her sake. This may make many a man cringe, but it was this man's choice. I for one applaud him for esteeming the 2 of them over himself.
I've seen over the years with my own eyes that real love requires a sacrifice of one's self nearly every time. There is also another side to this however. If the person demands that the other makes the sacrifice to be with them then this may indicate a selfish person, and the person on the other end should then evaluate whether the relationship is worth it or not.
According to Alma Galvez, a highly esteemed writer of Relationship Psychology says,
2 Corinthians 6:14 says,
Matthew 19:4-6 says,
By the same token, if you see a man who works himself like a dog, only to see his wife spend it all on material wealth, or a woman working while the man chooses not to... you get the picture. There isn't a mutual sacrifice and only one of the two is making sacrifices, while the other is self-serving.
Ephesians 5:22-28 says,
Jesus certainly showed His love to us with His death on the cross for our sins, but He also illustrated His love in many other ways including this...
John 13:1-17,
Again I'll ask the questions...
Do you love the person you are with more than you love yourself?
Have you sacrificed anything for the sake of having the relationship with that person?
Does this person love you, or do they love their self more?
Has this person sacrificed anything for the sake of having a relationship with you?
To those who are married:
To those who are single and still seeking for their wife or husband:
Do you love the person you are with more than you love yourself?
Have you sacrificed anything for the sake of having the relationship with that person?
Does this person love you, or do they love their self more?
Has this person sacrificed anything for the sake of having a relationship with you?
These are very hard questions to ask and there is no one perfect answer that fits all people. I know a couple who met online and the man was an extreme sports fanatic. The woman was not into sports at all. The couple married and the man cut way back on the sports for her. This is an example of someone making a sacrifice to benefit the relationship. He still watches and enjoys sports, but he has scaled it back for her sake. This may make many a man cringe, but it was this man's choice. I for one applaud him for esteeming the 2 of them over himself.
I've seen over the years with my own eyes that real love requires a sacrifice of one's self nearly every time. There is also another side to this however. If the person demands that the other makes the sacrifice to be with them then this may indicate a selfish person, and the person on the other end should then evaluate whether the relationship is worth it or not.
According to Alma Galvez, a highly esteemed writer of Relationship Psychology says,
"Love isn’t love if you’re not willing to sacrifice something for it. It may be as big as giving up all of those you own like wealth and material things in exchange for a simple life with the one that you love, or something as small as giving 5 minutes of your time even if you’re very busy just to talk to your special someone."I found this to be true also in my own life, and I encourage you to read the full article. Alma concludes, "there are countless things that we sacrifice for love but among the most popular ones are the following: Career, Living Situation, Religion, The Single Life, and Habits or Vices.
As a married man myself I've made sacrifices, and my wife has made them for me as well. Perhaps this give and take attitude from the both of us has resulted in our 20 years of marriage to each other. Over the years I've seen both, sacrifices and the lack of it in other marriages and relationships. I've also noticed that how much two people are willing to sacrifice for each other is the usual indicator of whether their relationship will last or not.
Are there things a person should never sacrifice? Yes, as a Christian the bible has given us clear instruction. Listed among the most popular sacrifices people make for love in Alma Galvez's article was Religion. This is an unfortunate thing and I've seen it too. I've seen many a Christian fall victim to missionary dating - that is the belief that although this person is not a Christian I can reach them while dating them. Reaching a person with the Good News of Jesus Christ is what we are all called to do as Christians, but this doesn't mean you should date them. If you do, then you are in direct violation of God's word. God's word has life-giving instructions to the man (husband), and to the woman (wife) when it comes to marriage.
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?So according to scripture a sacrifice of one's relationship with Christ is NOT acceptable. Sadly, I've seen some do this. They would start out dating the nonbeliever, but fall in love and then end up marrying them thinking they will change the person in time, or just backsliding their self to accommodate the relationship. A simple rule of thumb is, a person should never date anyone they wouldn't consider marrying, and a Christian should never date a non-Christian for they should be obedient to God's word if they are indeed God's children.
Matthew 19:4-6 says,
And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."The first sacrifice that is made is the sacrifice of SELF for the sake of becoming ONE FLESH with your mate. As a servant in the body of Christ who has counseled couples, I've learned to make observations. If you see a man who has thousands of dollars in hunting rifles, a bass boat, numerous trucks and other toys, but then notice the wife doesn't have 2 cups that match, and the family is sitting on furniture propped up by cinder blocks, this is not a man who would sacrifice for his love. I say this only because it is apparent that he loves himself more than his wife.
By the same token, if you see a man who works himself like a dog, only to see his wife spend it all on material wealth, or a woman working while the man chooses not to... you get the picture. There isn't a mutual sacrifice and only one of the two is making sacrifices, while the other is self-serving.
Ephesians 5:22-28 says,
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.Many people get hung up on the wife having to submit to the husband. This is a sacrifice, but if one examines this closely, it is the man who actually has the greater burden to bear. A marriage is symbolic of Jesus Christ (the Groom) being united with His Bride (the Church). The husband is to love his wife, just as Christ also loves the church and gave Himself for her. This means once again a sacrifice being made. Jesus gave His life for His bride, so what is expected of the husband? To give his life for his bride. This could mean literally dying to protect her, but more often and most of all it means a living sacrifice being made. The husband is expected to put his dreams, goals, and desires on hold if it means the greater good benefiting the marriage. This is a living sacrifice of one's life.
Jesus certainly showed His love to us with His death on the cross for our sins, but He also illustrated His love in many other ways including this...
John 13:1-17,
1 Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end. 2 And supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him, 3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, 4 rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. 5 After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. 6 Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?” 7 Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” 8 Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.” 9 Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!” 10 Jesus said to him, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you.” 11 For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, “You are not all clean.” 12 So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? 13 You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. 16 Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.Jesus, God of the Universe, humbled himself to the level of a slave to the disciples. This explains why in verse 8 we see Peter is outraged at this gesture. Jesus sacrificed Himself to do this right before making the biggest sacrifice of all - giving up His life!
Again I'll ask the questions...
Do you love the person you are with more than you love yourself?
Have you sacrificed anything for the sake of having the relationship with that person?
Does this person love you, or do they love their self more?
Has this person sacrificed anything for the sake of having a relationship with you?
To those who are married:
Things can improve but only if sacrifices are made by both. This also means compromises. This is for a common goal of being One Flesh, and not two individuals. These marriages are most often doomed to divorce.
To those who are single and still seeking for their wife or husband:
Is the person a nonbeliever? If so, you must move on if you are a Christian and they are not. The next questions should then be about the character. In an honest assessment determine whether this person is capable or willing to love you sacrificially. For if only one person makes the sacrifices then it is not ONE FLESH, it is a miserable relationship for one and a self-serving dictatorship for the other.
