Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Proverbs. 22:15
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13-14
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Proverbs 29:15
The rod of correction imparts wisdom,
but a child left to itself disgraces his mother.
I've participated in debates with those who feel that spanking a child is an abusive form of punishment, and a cruel thing to do to their children. I'll admit when I hear of the biblical use of a rod to discipline children, it sends a shudder down my spine too. These days parents don't use a rod (an instrument that the shepherds would carry to protect their sheep). Instead most parents who would spank their children would use a belt. The concept is clearly given though in the Bible that the spanking is an okay form of discipline. Does this mean that according to the bible there is only one way to discipline our children though? I don't think so.
While I point to the bible and what it teaches in the above verses, I'll also admit that there are other punishments too that will teach a child their lesson. That is the goal actually - that they will learn from their bad behavior. With the spanking they will learn that the consequences they feared the most are now before them. They have earned them by crossing a line they shouldn't have crossed.
With our own children grounding and taking away privileges worked as well, but on occasion, and if the offense was severe enough, then yes, the spanking was administered.
If you're like me, then you have probably been around those parents who never discipline their children in any way, let alone spank them. At times maybe as you've seen their children's disgusting behavior you even entertained the thought of demonstrating to them how useful a good spanking could be, but I won't go there.
Regardless of which side of the fence you're on when it comes to this issue, the bible is certainly clear when it comes to utilizing the spanking as an act of discipline. This isn't to say that grounding, or taking the away of privileges isn't effective, but certainly spanking being given does also help. Does the sparing of the spanking (rod) actually spoil the child? Let's look at the meaning of the word spoil...
According to Dictionary.com
Spoil: to impair, damage, or harm the character or nature of (someone) by unwise treatment, excessive indulgence, etc.: to spoil a child by pampering him.
It could be said that the sparing of a spanking then could be pampering a child, but I believe this goes even deeper than that. It could mean a child that always gets their way as well would become spoiled. I've seen both wealthy children and impoverished children who were spoiled, so money doesn't have as much to do with it as we might think it does.
In conclusion, even though this actual phrase itself is not found in the bible, it is a phrase that is supported somewhat by the bible in various verses. These verses teach us too that a child who is left undisciplined from the spanking (rod) is probably going to have a negative (spoiled) behavior. This is something they may carry all of their life.
To those who still feel like it is barbaric to spank a child, the bible seems to comfort us with these words; "if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." This is also why the bible teaches us that in punishing them we love them.
Of course we shouldn't expect the child to understand this concept, and I myself didn't as a child. The barbaric thing to actually do would be to allow the child to get away with their bad behavior, and to let them loose on society afterward.
Like I said, the child won't understand the "WHY" of this discipline, and I certainly didn't. However, now that I'm older I do understand the necessity of my parents at times having to spank me. When I became an adult myself it became something we would all laugh about, and today I'm thankful to them, and I believe that I'm a better adult for it. It is now as an adult that I understand the verse when it says, "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly." I'm thankful that I rarely had to implement this punishment to my kids, but today they all have a good character, and I believe it was in part because of my wife and I "not sparing the rod." (of course not literally)
I do also think that some of the arguments that I keep hearing from people opposed to spanking are legitimate ones that need to be addressed. They would ask, "At which point does it become abusive?" This is a legitimate question. I believe there should always be safeguards put in place to prevent this, and if there are 2 parents in the home, then each parent should hold the other one accountable. A child should never be spanked by an angry parent. If the parent is angry with the child, then they should always allow for a cool off time before the spanking, or to let the other spouse administer the spanking.
My parents would send me to my room, then in about 10 minutes or so come in to give me the spanking. This was probably just as bad as the spanking itself, but it was very constructive as it allowed me time to reflect about what I had done wrong, and the punishment I earned for it. Also, how I would not do it again. They actually had a good system whether they realized it or not. Dad was the one who gave the spankings primarily, and the words that I feared most as a child were, "Wait until your dad gets home."
The verse says, "Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." Perhaps the greatest value of being spanked for wrongdoing is how it teaches us that there are dire consequences for our actions. In comparison to the larger scale of life that is laid out before the child, can you think of ways that this could be a valuable asset to them? The consequences of a bad behavior to others can mean bad relationships, and more. Bad behavior unchecked can later turn into a life of crime. The consequences of crime can mean prison time or death. Farther reaching than this, just think of the negative ripple effect that is created throughout society as this adult with negative behavior interacts with countless others.
The Wages of sin is death! (Romans 6:23), so by disciplining the child with groundings, privileges being taken away, and YES, with the spanking too, the child may grow up with a better understanding that they are going to be held accountable for their actions (good or bad). Just as in society where we finds punishments varying in degrees to fit the severity of the crimes committed, I believe there should be a variance in punishments given in parenting. To spank a child for every little thing is wrong of course, so only in the extreme cases of bad behavior should the spanking be given. For lesser offenses a time out chair, losing a privilege, a fine from their allowance money, or being grounded could be good options.
Giving your child an understanding of what punishment would fit what offense may help them later understand the legal system better as an adult, and they may even become better citizens, obeying the laws of the land, and all of this from receiving punishment for bad behavior early on in life. Ultimately, on the spiritual side, it would even give some added gravity to the problem of sin, the debt we owe for it, and how Jesus paid our penalty for us.
It's not as big a deal to me now, but it sure was when I was young during those times as a child when I waited alone in my bedroom for the punishment that was coming. Oh, how I longed to be saved from it. If only someone could have taken that punishment for me, how much I would have owed that person. We're talking ALL of my lunch money! That relief never came though.
Once when I was young, a friend and I decided to shoplift some things from a local store. We were caught by a security guard, taken to the office, and our parents were called. When dad picked me up, and told me on our way home that I was getting a whooping (as he called it), I remember the sense of dread that came over me to this day. My adolescent mind wandered in the what ifs... What if we got into a car wreck on the way home and I didn't get the whooping? What if dad suddenly got sick and was unable to give me a whooping? What if? What if? What if? Well, dad lived up to his promise then, and for every other time he said it.
Today I love both of my parents, and miss my dad, who is now deceased. I also like to think that I have benefited in my life from receiving spankings in my early years for my bad behavior. I'm not a psychologist, but I do remember the psychological impact that this discipline left on me, and the outcome was a positive one.
