As this new year now begins I find myself looking back. I think sometimes it's good to look back, that is unless you are told not to, as with Lot's wife. The patriarchs of old certainly did, for as they trusted God in each new challenge of their life they would reflect back on how God had sustained them in previous ones.
David, as he faced Goliath, was told by King Saul, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.” David reflected on what God had done previously in his life and told Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” (1Samuel 17)
As I reflect back through the things that I've been through I realize that I am certainly not King David. Some who have been reading my blog posts may realize they have been scarce, and for the most part non-existent throughout 2014. This has been in part because I have been enrolled in on-line college classes and most of my writing time has been spent doing homework. Also, just as before, I work a full-time job during the day pulling between 50 to 60 hours a week in the natural gas pipeline construction industry. It is the third excuse that I am not so proud on however. The truth is, I had drifted (not backslid: as I've kept my faith, often repented, and spoke with God this past year). However, I cannot say I've not slid into some direction away from Him.
Maybe it has been a combination of all the stresses from work, home, and school in my life, or whatever, but I knew I was not where I wanted to be in my walk with God. To anyone who has looked up to me in any way as a man of God, I apologize to them. Most of all, I had to repent to God for allowing distractions to create distance between me and Him. When I did turn around to speak to Him I felt He was right there in front of me waiting as if He had never gone anywhere.
So after spending some real quality time with Him again, it is like nothing has ever changed. He loves me just as much now as He has always loved me. I know now as I trace back through the year I can see the ways He kept His hold on me. A song here... a movie there... little God whispers that we often overlook, or simply discount as a coincidence. In the words of a dear departed saint named Brennan Manning from his book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, he writes, "My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.” If the Lord wills it, this year will also be my 46th year on this earth, and as of July 27, 2015 it will be my 18th year as a child of God. In all the things I've learned walking with God, Brennan Manning's statement rings the truest. For if it were dependent upon my efforts to reach God alone, I would fail every time. It has been throughout these 18 years His grip on my life that has kept me in the good times and bad times.
I go into 2015 now with optimism, but not because of anything I can do. I will continue to work, continue to work toward my degree as I believe it is God's will for me (that's another blog), and continue being the best husband, dad, and paw paw that I can possibly be. However, before all of this, I will seek to deepen my relationship with the One who makes this all possible in the first place. I'll go back to my first love. Thank you Jesus.Instead of a\resolution, I'll take a God Solution. Happy New Year!
David, as he faced Goliath, was told by King Saul, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.” David reflected on what God had done previously in his life and told Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” (1Samuel 17)
As I reflect back through the things that I've been through I realize that I am certainly not King David. Some who have been reading my blog posts may realize they have been scarce, and for the most part non-existent throughout 2014. This has been in part because I have been enrolled in on-line college classes and most of my writing time has been spent doing homework. Also, just as before, I work a full-time job during the day pulling between 50 to 60 hours a week in the natural gas pipeline construction industry. It is the third excuse that I am not so proud on however. The truth is, I had drifted (not backslid: as I've kept my faith, often repented, and spoke with God this past year). However, I cannot say I've not slid into some direction away from Him.
Maybe it has been a combination of all the stresses from work, home, and school in my life, or whatever, but I knew I was not where I wanted to be in my walk with God. To anyone who has looked up to me in any way as a man of God, I apologize to them. Most of all, I had to repent to God for allowing distractions to create distance between me and Him. When I did turn around to speak to Him I felt He was right there in front of me waiting as if He had never gone anywhere.
So after spending some real quality time with Him again, it is like nothing has ever changed. He loves me just as much now as He has always loved me. I know now as I trace back through the year I can see the ways He kept His hold on me. A song here... a movie there... little God whispers that we often overlook, or simply discount as a coincidence. In the words of a dear departed saint named Brennan Manning from his book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, he writes, "My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.” If the Lord wills it, this year will also be my 46th year on this earth, and as of July 27, 2015 it will be my 18th year as a child of God. In all the things I've learned walking with God, Brennan Manning's statement rings the truest. For if it were dependent upon my efforts to reach God alone, I would fail every time. It has been throughout these 18 years His grip on my life that has kept me in the good times and bad times.
I go into 2015 now with optimism, but not because of anything I can do. I will continue to work, continue to work toward my degree as I believe it is God's will for me (that's another blog), and continue being the best husband, dad, and paw paw that I can possibly be. However, before all of this, I will seek to deepen my relationship with the One who makes this all possible in the first place. I'll go back to my first love. Thank you Jesus.Instead of a\resolution, I'll take a God Solution. Happy New Year!
